A Three Part Series: The Selfies, Sexplay and Sexual Communication
When it comes to helping clients with sexuality and intimacy there are several topics I find important and helpful to address: the selfies, sexplay and sexual communication. Being able to acknowledge and validate their wants and needs to their partner can be uncomfortable for our clients, especially if it's a foreign practice.
Cue, The Selfies.
I've developed some helpful handouts that I use in my practice and wanted to share the content of them here with you! This week I'll be sharing The Selfies, which are a great addition to your OT treatment session and can make for great discussions, worksheets or role play exercises.
Self-Advocacy
The practice of communicating your personal desires, preferences, needs, boundaries, and rights to yourself and to partners. Taking responsibility for yourself as a sexual and intimate person by advocating for what you want and do not want through explicit communication.
How to practice self-advocacy:
Practice self-awareness: know yourself, determine your strengths, weaknesses, personal wants, boundaries, and desires.
Make your preferences, needs, boundaries, and desires known through explicit communication with others.
You are unique! Do not assume others know what you want and do not want.
Self-Validation
The practice of taking yourself seriously, allowing yourself to feel, think, and accept without judgment or second-guessing yourself.
How to practice self-validation:
Pay attention to your thoughts. Are they helpful or hurtful?
Be mindful of how you feel. Your emotions are telling you something.
Try to understand your thoughts and feelings.
Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings are valid.
Treat yourself with respect. Remember you are doing your best!
Stand up for yourself.
Self-Love
Loving yourself unconditionally. Caring for, respecting, taking responsibility, and knowing yourself. Appreciating yourself to support your physical, psychological, and spiritual health. Practice self-love by accepting your weaknesses, strengths, and having compassion for yourself.
How to practice self-love:
Mindfulness: What are you saying to yourself? What thoughts are you having and how do these thoughts affect your mood, health, and behavior?
Be grateful and appreciate yourself
Forgive yourself: learn and grow from your choices and lessons learned
Set boundaries with self and others: say no and set boundaries in your personal life
Live with intention: set intention to find your purpose and life meaning
Self- Care
Activities to take care of yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically.
How to practice self-care:
Eating healthy food Relaxation exercises
Showering or bathing Spending time with partner
Exercising Prioritize self-care
Getting enough sleep Explore and receive pleasure
"Me" time or "we" time Leisure activity time
Meditation Connect with nature
Self-Talk
Practicing positive inner dialogue to help you achieve your goals and reduce negative thoughts and feelings. Useful for changing belief patterns and increasing performance outcomes. Use your positive self-talk to increase your desire and arousal when participating intimate and sexual events
How to practice positive self-talk:
Create a specific statement of what empowers you to be successful.
Use positive wording and avoid "don't" statements during your self-talk statements
Self- Pleasure
Practicing self-pleasure involves taking time to explore your body and give yourself pleasure. Self-pleasure can be empowering, enjoyable, and informative. It may also seem intimidating, foreign, or awkward.
How to practice self-pleasure:
You are unique. Explore what you find to be pleasurable.
Use external aids: lubrication, erotic images, sex toys.
Be mindful of the sensations you are feeling in your body. Get out of you head and into your skin. Feel the feels whether yippy or meh!
Be patient with yourself
Engage in positive self-talk throughout and afterwards.
Action Plan: The Selfies
I will advocate for myself by: _________________________________
I will validate myself by: ______________________________________
I will show myself love by: ____________________________________
Self care tasks I will do this week: _____________________________
Positive self talk statement: ___________________________________
Self-pleasure strategy I will try: _______________________________
Create your coaching statement to empower yourself to achieve your personal goals.
Selfie Coaching Statement: ________________________________________________________________
References
Allen, J. (n.d.) Self-pleasure 101. Retrieved from http://www.juliet-allen.com/lets-talk-about-sexblog/self-pleasure-101
Branden, N. (1987). How to raise your self-esteem. New York, New York: Bantam Books
Epton, T., Kane, R., Harris, P. R., Koningsbrugge, G. M., & Sheeran, P. (2014). The impact of selfaffirmation
on health-behavior change: A meta-analysis. American Psychological Association.
http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/hea0000116
Fruzzetti, A. E. (2013). Self-validation skills for use in DBT group skills training. Retrieved from
https://www.nvpsychology.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Self-Validation-Skills-2013-Fruzzetti.pdf
Linehan, M. M (n.d.). A “how to” guide to self-validation”. Retrieved from
http://www.drbando.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Self-validation-0316.pdf
Martini, R., Cramm, H, Egan, M., & Sikora, L. (2016). Scoping review of self-regulation: What are
occupational therapists talking about. American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 70,
7006290010p1-7006290010p15. http://hx.doi.org/10.50
McCraith, D. B. (2019). Cognitive beliefs. In C. Brown, V. C. Stoffel, & J. P. Munoz (Eds.), Occupational
therapy in mental health: A vision for participation, 2nd edition (pp. 301-322). Philadelphia, PA: F.A. Davis Company
Michael, R. (2018). What self-care is – and what it isn’t. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-self-care-is-and-what-it-isnt
Schwartz, J. K., Stoffel, V. C., & Neubauer, M. D. (2019). Volunteer and service occupations. In C. Brown, V. C. Stoffel, & J. P. Munoz (Eds.), Occupational therapy in mental health: A vision for participation, 2nd edition (pp. 872-880). Philadelphia, PA: F.A. Davis Company
Seidman, A. (2016). The use of a self-affirmation intervention to increase the psychological help seeking behavior of student Veterans. Graduate Theses and Dissertations. https://lib.dr.iastate.edu/etd/15807
Selk, J. (2009). 10-Minute toughness. United States of America: The McGraw-Hill Companies
Tully, S. (2019). Psychosocial concerns with physical disabilities. In C. Brown, V. C. Stoffel, & J. P.
Munoz (Eds.), Occupational therapy in mental health: A vision for participation, 2nd edition (pp. 264-280). Philadelphia, PA: F.A. Davis Company
UC Santa Cruz. (2016). Disability resource center: What is self-advocacy? Retrieved from https://drc.ucsc.edu/resources-and-forms/resources/online-resources/self-advocacy.html
Weinberg, J. (n.d.) 5 steps to cultivate self-love. Retrieved from https://chopra.com/articles/5-stepsto-cultivate-self-love
Williams, Q. (2014). Young feminist: A journey to self love and happiness. Retrieved from https://www.nwhn.org/young-feminist-a-journey-to-self-love-and-happiness/