The 3 A's: A great addition to your sexuality OT treatment session
We've all seen them. The sex scenes in movies that too often portray those initial moments afterwards to be euphoric and filled with mutual pleasure and happiness. But, we know that just isn't always reality! It can actually be an awkward or uncomfortable time for couples. Add pain, difficulty with communication, or a physical limitation to the mix and it can really become a difficult time to figure out what to say. I often get asked by client's, "how do I ask for what I want?" and "what if I want my partner to do something different?" or often what is more likely is that I'll find out that sex just ends "bad" with one or all partners frustrated or feeling like there's a lack of connection.
Early on in my clinical practice I developed what I like to call, The 3 A's.
Accolades
Affirmations
Appreciation
These are the three things I, and we as OTs, can recommend as talking points for our clients after sex.
Accolades- Tell them what you enjoyed. I really like when you ____.
Affirmations- You're so (insert positive attribute. EX: sexy, beautiful, hott, great in bed)!
Appreciation- Thank you. Thank you for making me feel great. Thanks for the boink!
These three talking points can help you when working with your clients who report they have difficulty with giving feedback - either positive or negative. While it's okay to give 'negative' feedback, it's important to keep it constructive and know when and how to give it. As OTs we can help our clients not only learn how to enjoy their sexual and intimate experiences but also how to communicate their wants and needs in an effective manner - and that can often be about timing. For example, giving negative feedback right after sex is not the best timing. No one likes to hear that they did something wrong, especially right after having sex. It can be helpful to appreciate that time spent together, utilize the 3 A's, and then save the constructive feedback for later. Timing can make all the difference.
Talking about our sexual experiences shouldn't be limited to the moments right before and after sex.
Those conversations can be great at the breakfast table, during a car ride, or anytime during the day. Getting to a point where it's comfortable for our clients to have those conversations at any time of day can be difficult and take time, but that's why we set short term and long term goals (amirite?). It can take time and practice to do something new, and let's be honest talking about sex (either during or outside of it) can new for a lot of people.
We are forever evaluating our client's ability to perform ADLs like bathing, dressing and toileting so assessing their ability to perform all of the components sex, before, during and after, should be no different. It's important for us to take the client's performance skills and patterns into consideration as well. What is their role in the relationship? What are their values and beliefs regarding sex and intimacy? Do they possess optimal timing and sequencing skills? Are they able to craft a good environment for communication? Acknowledging and addressing all of these factors can help ensure we're providing individualized care for an occupation that is often a vulnerable experience for our clients.
Ending sex on a positive note can make it even more likely sex will happen again. So if you're not already addressing how things are going after sex, I'd encourage you to ask about it and bring up the 3 A's!